Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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