how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
