At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
