I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
