i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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