you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
