i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
