It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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