I just cut my nipple shaving
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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