Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
