Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
In America we eat man semen.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
