; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
