They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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