3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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