Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
