So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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