I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
