you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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