when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
