dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
