so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
