She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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