Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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