I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Semen is not good for contacts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My vagina is officially offended.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
