found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
