yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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