How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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