I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
