Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Never underestimate the power of titties
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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