New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
