maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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