I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
