i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
