just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
