Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
