Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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