just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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