I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
