My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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