I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
