i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
