well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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