some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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