shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
