fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
