I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
sex in a hospital.. check
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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