ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
