i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
