The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
