the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
