Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize