I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
