I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
