dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
