stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
