I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
