I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
