Screwed.edu
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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