It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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