You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
