sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
