Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
