wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
