please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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