Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
