I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
