I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
