Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
