I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
