If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize