I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize