The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
