my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
