You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
