I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
