He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
