the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize