i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
