he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just high enough for therapy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
