I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
