haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My first STD was from a foam party
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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