Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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