Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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