yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
