New invention idea: vibrating tampons
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
