This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
