In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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