So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
