I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
