I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Who died my cat blue again?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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