New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I want to fling myself into the sun
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
