no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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