Porn is love you can see.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
