Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
