Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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