how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
