You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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