What a fucking waste of an outfit
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
