thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
